In Loving Memory...

Ernest T. Nelson, a daddy, a papa, grandpa, great-grandpa, and a great great-grandpa.
June 12, 1912-September 27, 2009

My grandpa was probably one of the most amazing person I have ever known. A man that never raised his voice or showed his anger, a man full of patience and always showed his loved for everyone. He was a man of honor and dignity. He was handsome and a complete gentleman. Loved his wife like I've never seen, always doing housework for her and caring for her whenever she was sick. He never said no to her and was right there by her side no matter what. He would have so much fun with us kids giving knuckle rubs on our heads or always asking if I had gotten my spanking at school. But the best thing that I will never forget is how he would hug me and hold onto me when I was sad. No one has ever been able to top it and I don't think any one ever will. He knew how to take all my sadness away by just giving me a smile. I will never forget all he ever did for me and I cannot wait to see him again. I love you Grandpa so much with all my heart. I miss you more than anything but I know how happy you are now that you are with your bride again. Give her my love and I'll see you soon.

Photo of the week

Oh it's been awhile sorry I haven't been posting my pics. Here are a couple to make up for lost time :) Hope you enjoy.

Never Alone...

When I heard of this song I automatically thought of my little sis...she is not my sis by blood but in my heart she is and every time she goes through a tough time I want her to know that she is never alone that I'm always right by her side no matter what. I dedicate this to you lil sis. love you!

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
The glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win and stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest
As much as I wanted
I'm not gonna promise that cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surrounds you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Movin' On...

I don't know why it is, but I always seem to find the best songs with the words that means something to me while I'm up late working on a paper...it never seems to fail.

I found this song by Rascal Flatts called Movin' On and if only I had found this song 4 years ago when I was going through a rough time. However better late then never, this song is exactly how I feel. I know God had me go through this specific time for a reason and I never doubted him for one second for his mighty work in me...and even today he is helping me move on. May this song speak to you as it has spoken to me. God bless.

Ive dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
Ive found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin on

Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on

Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know theres no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldnt
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
Ive loved like I should but lived like
I shouldnt
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
Im movin on

Im movin on
Im movin on

Photo of the Week :)

I LOVE summer! :)

Photo of the Week :) from last week

Isn't she beautiful!?! I can't help but take close ups of her.

Photo of the Week :)

This was taken on the way home from Oklahoma. Part of Lake El Dorado.

Photo of the Week :)

I'm going to be out of town this weekend and not sure if I'll be able to have internet access so here is the photo of the week one day early! :) ENJOY!

Photo of the Week :)

I'm going to start posting one of my pics that I have taken each week. Enjoy....this is what you get when you feed into your secret hobby and when your hubby gets you a camera that you have been dreaming about for 5 years :)

Girls Bible Study

Yesterday we started a new book in the Bible study for the girls in the youth group. Only three showed up but that's prob because yesterday was just a busy day for everyone. I pray daily that the other girls will start to come. I have remember to give it up to God and let him take care of things. He is in control of everything. We had been working on Philippians, and we are still working on it but using a book that is great! to go along with it. It seems to make things a little easier on everyone. Plus it's interactive so hopefully it will keep their attention long enough! :) I really want to see these girls grow in the Lord, and I have this desire to help them with reading the Word. I pray that God will use me and speak through me to get to their hearts. God is so good!! :)

Words I Could Not Say....

"Words I Couldn't Say"

In a book- in a box- in the closet
In a line- in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one june
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the mooon

There it was at the tip of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tounge
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms
And I let it all slip away

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

Theres a rain that will never stop fallin
There a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldnt pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
And it too late now

What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

SO cute...

So I've been becoming quite the blog reader. I came across this one site and I just absolutely love it. This girl is so talented and looking at her stuff makes me want to start my scrapbooking hobby up again. You gotta check these cards out....so cute and absolutely stunning!













Ah, I just love them! :) Have a good day...


photo courtesy of Taylored Expressions (tayloredexpressions.blogspot.com)

Not so mute Mondays :)

I don't feel like being mute today...yet I have nothing to say really...such a tragedy I know! :) My husband and I went back to Oklahoma this past weekend. On thursday we went to the symphony orchestra concert at OCU, can we say memories? The concert was great, and we got to hear Louise Bass play the organ in the chapel there and it was amazing to hear her and the strings. I do have to say they have really improved since the last time I was there. We got to visit with some of our old professors and just really enjoyed being there again. One of Ry's old students from Ardmore was there and decided to give us the grand tour of the new music building because the last time we were there it was the grand opening and it wasn't even finished yet. We saw the new part but mostly we wanted to see the old part of the building...where we spent the majority of our life. It was truly the hardest thing to go through. To see all those empty abandoned classrooms where we once had music history and music theory was very difficult and probably the hardest room to go into was 344 the rehearsal hall...when I walked in I just looked around the room and began to cry because it was so overwhelming to have all those memories come flowing back. All the tough grueling rehearsals that we had daily in there...all that hard work that I put into...it almost felt like a ghost town. It was probably a good thing I didn't go into Petree because it would be the same. I have so many good...no great memories there at OCU and would give anything to go back. I also went by my old flute professor's office and was just overcome by tears yet again and just couldn't hold them back. Call me a sap call me whatever you want but I'm telling you, you have no idea what it's like to live four years of your life in a place where you made numerous amounts of memories and then go back to that place not be able to hold back the tears. The new part of the music school was fantastic, and I'm sure if I was actually attending there now I would just love it, but I can't give up the love that I have for the old part of the building, it's like a long lost love that you can't let go. It was good to go back though and remember...

Mute Monday! :) Things that make me happy! :)

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Mute Mondays :)

Missin' my ol' stompin' grounds...

So...I was just sitting here and just thinking about home and how much I miss it terribly. It's kind of funny since just a couple years ago I was just itching to get out of Oklahoma, now it's like I can't wait to get back there any chance I get. What changed my mind? Guess you could say it is and always will be my comfort zone. Ah 2 weeks until we are able to head back, I truly cannot wait....:)


HAHA this picture cracks me up...it's so cheesy, and what's sad is that's what most people think when they think of us Okies...LOL!!

Forgiveness...

The biggest trial that I have had to deal with most of my life is forgiveness. And I'm talking about it going both ways. Me forgiving the people who have hurt me, and me asking for forgiveness from those I have hurt. It's so easy to look past things and just let it go, not ever having to talk to people about it, pretending that it did not even happen, but going without taking the time to forgive or ask for forgiveness is a huge mountain for me to conquer. It's gotten easier I must say the last couple of years, because I am more able to be honest with myself and others close to me. In no way is it easy and I'm not even sure I will ever be able to do it without kickin' and screamin'. Has someone ever said to you, "please forgive me!" and the first thing off the tip of your tongue comes "yes I forgive you"? Have you ever stopped to think if you really do forgive them? Deep down inside are you forgiving them? Or are you still holding that darkness inside you of the nasty word called GRUDGE? It's called, in my eyes, empty forgiveness. I am definitely guilty of this, I think we all are.

I know and fully understand that I have hurt many many people in my life. I have lost a great amount of good friends...even though it's apart of life, no one likes to loose a friend. What I would give to be able to sit down with each of those people and tell them how sorry I am for treating them so bad. Is it too late to fix things? Is it ever too late? Even after so many years...things won't ever be the same or how it used to be before...but is there a chance of rebuilding? One can only hope. It's a learning process for me, and if you truly know me, I take awhile when it comes to learning...

It happens...

It Happens lyrics

Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song

Rolled in late about an hour
No cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

My trusty-rusty had a flat
I borrowed my neighbors Cadillac
"I'll be right back," going down to Wally World
That yellow light turned red too quickly
Knew that the truck moment it hit me
Out stepped my ex and his new girl
("Sorry 'bout your neck baby")

But it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Yeah, the irrefutable, indisputable, absoluteable, totally beautiful fact is
Psssh
It happens

I just gotta laugh when I hear this song, because this pertains to my life. I always have a plan for everything and it never ends up going the way I planned. Why is that? Eh, I get tired of trying to figure it out...like the song...It happens we should just let go laughin' :)

All I want...

All I want right now is music. Music was apart of my life for so long and I somehow blocked it from my heart and I just long for it to come back to me. It's been so hard to view my life without it. They say you never get over your first love...my first love I still can't get over and I'm not sure I ever will. Music is something you just can't remove. It has not gone anywhere, it's still there I have just put up that wall. How does one break down that wall? Do I just demolish it or just start chipping away at it? I miss it terribly, I miss how it made me feel, how it treated me, what it did to my heart. The things that it spoke to me, how it spoke to me, how it made me escape from reality. One can do so many things with music. Normal straight up and down things or something completely forbidden and knowing that something forbidden was being done was exhilarating. How do I get it back? How do I engulf myself in those feelings again? I went off to a place I shouldn't have gone and it took away my love, my first and only love and now I feel stuck here lonely without it. I see the music, I want to throw myself into it but is it too late? Did it wait for me or has it given up on me and moved on to someone else that will stay? Music if you are still there...come sweep me off my feet again. I'll wait for you....

By your side...

This video may seem graphic but it shows you what the Lord Jesus went through for us. He died for us on that cross to save us from our sins. I hope and pray that you will watch this powerful video and I also hope and pray that it will touch you like it has touched me. God bless.

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

This song speaks to me especially today. I hear it and wonder why I always end up struggling the arms of God that want to wrap around me so much. Everyday I fight and fight him when all he wants to do is help me. I keep searching for the answers not looking right in front of me as if God is not enough. We need to remember that he is always by our side loving us and he is never going anywhere. His hands are always holding us...those scarred hands which took those nails that were hammered into a cross yes those hands holds us every second of our life when we fall, when we sin he is there to pick us up and his life he swallowed up that sin for us just so that he could give us life. Wow, in what way do we deserve that? We don't, not at all. But he still did this for us. God is awesome and I am truly feeling him today and seeing his work in everything. I cannnot tell you how much it means to know that even though I feel alone sometimes in life, like I'm the only one that cares or that no one understands how I feel I can always always ALWAYS count on Jesus being there for me. He understands me more than anyone in my life can and he is the only one with the answers to my problems. Lord Jesus thank you. Thank you for being there and never leaving me. I don't deserve your love, but you gave everything for us. Thank you for holding me...

Distraction

Have you ever felt so distracted in your mind that you don't know where certain thoughts go and who they belong to or just in general you have know idea what is coming or going, almost to the point of feeling as though your life is just one big puzzle? Make sense? Probably not huh? I'm listening to LeAnn Rimes "What I Cannot Change" this song just gets to me everytime. It's one of those that just hits home with me. It deals with life and dealing with the fact that there are certain things that happen in our lives that we cannot change and we need to let go of that, we need to learn to love what we cannot change, and we need learn to forgive what we cannot change, however we must change what we can change. There are mistakes in our lives that we have made and there is no way we can go back and change them they are completely out of our hands, so we need to learn to let go of the things that we cannot change. We should be able to forgive ourselves of our pasts, love ourselves because of our past because our pasts make us who we are. There are things from my childhood, teenage, and even early adult years that come time mind that I wish I could change. Family problems wishing I could have tried harder to make peace between everyone. Even today I wish there are things in my family I wish I could change but I know it's not my place. Times when I was a teenager when all I wanted to do was please my mom and dad instead of learning who I really was and learning to live my own life and that bleeds into my college years as well. My college days....wow I wish I could go back and change most of everything. I did a lot of stupid things...but again these things are out of my hands and I need to learn to let it go. The hardest thing to is learn that it we doesn't matter what people think of you and if they want to judge you of your past and where you have come from then let them. It's important to know that you cannot go and live your life constantly wondering what people are thinking about you. You need to live your life for yourself and for God. God has everyone go through certain things in our lives for a reason. Whether it is send you over a few speed bumps in life or send you flying on cloud 9, he has you go through it all for growth and for your faith in him. Everything is in his hands though, and nothing should matter in your life at all knowing that. Give everything up to him, and let it all go. Just let it go...

Princess story...

Girls are funny, there is no way around it we are the most awkward human beings out there on this world. Now, I'm not lettin' the boys off or anything because they are just as nuts as we are but girls/women do this funny/weird thing whether they are young or old, and that is having the ability to make up stories in their mind and pretty much just live out those thoughts or dreams in their mind, and not actually have to live a second of it. Not just any stories but fantasy stories. And this happens most likely when it comes to boys/men. Don't deny it girls you know you do it...you find Mr. Wonderful or Mr. Extremely Cute and you start thinking about him and thinking about him to the point where you start this story in your mind of how things would go if he was in your life, dates you would go on, how he would treat you during that date, you would even play out the conversations in your head, exactly how it would go...and even make up everything that he is going to say...It is almost like living a double life but only truly living one of them. There are so many more situations like your wedding day, you have it all planned in your head, written in your playbook of how everything is going to go...oh there are so many others. I bet one of us could write a book on all the stories you have made up.

Does this just set us up for disappointment? Having our lives or alternant lives all written out for us and what if that never happens...what next? How are we supposed to react? Is it easier just to think up those stories and never actually have to live them or would you rather live them? Nothing ever happens how you think it is going to happen....if they happen...confused yet? :) You can have your life planned out to the "T" and it will ALWAYS throw you a curve ball, and it will hit you all of a sudden and you're left with your head spinning and facing a different direction wondering what just happend. The Lord has a sense of humor like that. I don't think that it's bad to have those stories in your head or mind it's important to keep that "imagination" going if you want to call it that, but don't get your hopes up high, because where you are living is in the here and now eventually we all have to come back to reality. That is probably really depressing for some of us. We have to remember though that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. The Lord always has a hand in our lives whether fantasy or not.

Another thing that we do is take those stories and wish that we can stop time, live out the story that we have made up and see how we like that life and if we like it then we could stay and if it wasn't all that was cracked up to be then we could return to the life that we are already living...it's like those old childrens books that we used to read called "Choose your own adventure!" Test driving different situations before actually going through it...I think we all wish we could do that whether you are female or male.

Oh well, I guess there is no way around it...Girls will be girls and we will continue writing our fantasy stories, placing our own characters in it and living them out in our minds. :)

Music is like...

I just sat down and practiced my flute for almost 2 hours. Do you know how long it has been since I was able to do that? It has been so incredibly long and I can't even begin to tell you how I feel. Of course I sounded rough but I didn't care. I just kept playing and playing, it was the most amazing feeling. It felt like reuniting with someone you care about so incredibly much, someone who has been in your life for so long, you haven't seen them or talked to them and all of a sudden they come back. It's that feeling of seeing your first love again. It was just that, I love my flute so much and I love making music, and it came back into my heart again, it was like falling in love all over again. I experienced that love that I once had and I hope to hold on to it for the rest of my life. Music is love to me. It's incredible to feel the music just come right off the page into your hands of the instrument that you are playing and just let it sing. It's passion that you cannot describe, you just have to feel it. Music was my first love and I don't think that will ever change, and I miss it more than anything....

Numero uno! :)

So....I decided to start another blog that goes along with the other one. I am a sucker for music...what can I say? It's been such a huge part of my life...like close to 20 years now probably longer. It has always been there. I probably came into this world hummin' some song. :) No but really, music is my passion and my most favorite thing to do is listen to a song and just pour my heart on paper about that particular song. It does not matter what genre the music it just makes me pour my soul out. I noticed I was doing that often on the other blog so why not have a section to it's own? I will continue the other blog as well because that is the update for our family! :) But this one will be dedicated only for my random ramblings and so on that note, I hope you enjoy what my heart has to say! :)

God bless!