Forgiveness...

The biggest trial that I have had to deal with most of my life is forgiveness. And I'm talking about it going both ways. Me forgiving the people who have hurt me, and me asking for forgiveness from those I have hurt. It's so easy to look past things and just let it go, not ever having to talk to people about it, pretending that it did not even happen, but going without taking the time to forgive or ask for forgiveness is a huge mountain for me to conquer. It's gotten easier I must say the last couple of years, because I am more able to be honest with myself and others close to me. In no way is it easy and I'm not even sure I will ever be able to do it without kickin' and screamin'. Has someone ever said to you, "please forgive me!" and the first thing off the tip of your tongue comes "yes I forgive you"? Have you ever stopped to think if you really do forgive them? Deep down inside are you forgiving them? Or are you still holding that darkness inside you of the nasty word called GRUDGE? It's called, in my eyes, empty forgiveness. I am definitely guilty of this, I think we all are.

I know and fully understand that I have hurt many many people in my life. I have lost a great amount of good friends...even though it's apart of life, no one likes to loose a friend. What I would give to be able to sit down with each of those people and tell them how sorry I am for treating them so bad. Is it too late to fix things? Is it ever too late? Even after so many years...things won't ever be the same or how it used to be before...but is there a chance of rebuilding? One can only hope. It's a learning process for me, and if you truly know me, I take awhile when it comes to learning...