Not so mute Mondays :)

I don't feel like being mute today...yet I have nothing to say really...such a tragedy I know! :) My husband and I went back to Oklahoma this past weekend. On thursday we went to the symphony orchestra concert at OCU, can we say memories? The concert was great, and we got to hear Louise Bass play the organ in the chapel there and it was amazing to hear her and the strings. I do have to say they have really improved since the last time I was there. We got to visit with some of our old professors and just really enjoyed being there again. One of Ry's old students from Ardmore was there and decided to give us the grand tour of the new music building because the last time we were there it was the grand opening and it wasn't even finished yet. We saw the new part but mostly we wanted to see the old part of the building...where we spent the majority of our life. It was truly the hardest thing to go through. To see all those empty abandoned classrooms where we once had music history and music theory was very difficult and probably the hardest room to go into was 344 the rehearsal hall...when I walked in I just looked around the room and began to cry because it was so overwhelming to have all those memories come flowing back. All the tough grueling rehearsals that we had daily in there...all that hard work that I put into...it almost felt like a ghost town. It was probably a good thing I didn't go into Petree because it would be the same. I have so many good...no great memories there at OCU and would give anything to go back. I also went by my old flute professor's office and was just overcome by tears yet again and just couldn't hold them back. Call me a sap call me whatever you want but I'm telling you, you have no idea what it's like to live four years of your life in a place where you made numerous amounts of memories and then go back to that place not be able to hold back the tears. The new part of the music school was fantastic, and I'm sure if I was actually attending there now I would just love it, but I can't give up the love that I have for the old part of the building, it's like a long lost love that you can't let go. It was good to go back though and remember...

Mute Monday! :) Things that make me happy! :)

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Mute Mondays :)

Missin' my ol' stompin' grounds...

So...I was just sitting here and just thinking about home and how much I miss it terribly. It's kind of funny since just a couple years ago I was just itching to get out of Oklahoma, now it's like I can't wait to get back there any chance I get. What changed my mind? Guess you could say it is and always will be my comfort zone. Ah 2 weeks until we are able to head back, I truly cannot wait....:)


HAHA this picture cracks me up...it's so cheesy, and what's sad is that's what most people think when they think of us Okies...LOL!!

Forgiveness...

The biggest trial that I have had to deal with most of my life is forgiveness. And I'm talking about it going both ways. Me forgiving the people who have hurt me, and me asking for forgiveness from those I have hurt. It's so easy to look past things and just let it go, not ever having to talk to people about it, pretending that it did not even happen, but going without taking the time to forgive or ask for forgiveness is a huge mountain for me to conquer. It's gotten easier I must say the last couple of years, because I am more able to be honest with myself and others close to me. In no way is it easy and I'm not even sure I will ever be able to do it without kickin' and screamin'. Has someone ever said to you, "please forgive me!" and the first thing off the tip of your tongue comes "yes I forgive you"? Have you ever stopped to think if you really do forgive them? Deep down inside are you forgiving them? Or are you still holding that darkness inside you of the nasty word called GRUDGE? It's called, in my eyes, empty forgiveness. I am definitely guilty of this, I think we all are.

I know and fully understand that I have hurt many many people in my life. I have lost a great amount of good friends...even though it's apart of life, no one likes to loose a friend. What I would give to be able to sit down with each of those people and tell them how sorry I am for treating them so bad. Is it too late to fix things? Is it ever too late? Even after so many years...things won't ever be the same or how it used to be before...but is there a chance of rebuilding? One can only hope. It's a learning process for me, and if you truly know me, I take awhile when it comes to learning...

It happens...

It Happens lyrics

Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song

Rolled in late about an hour
No cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

My trusty-rusty had a flat
I borrowed my neighbors Cadillac
"I'll be right back," going down to Wally World
That yellow light turned red too quickly
Knew that the truck moment it hit me
Out stepped my ex and his new girl
("Sorry 'bout your neck baby")

But it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Yeah, the irrefutable, indisputable, absoluteable, totally beautiful fact is
Psssh
It happens

I just gotta laugh when I hear this song, because this pertains to my life. I always have a plan for everything and it never ends up going the way I planned. Why is that? Eh, I get tired of trying to figure it out...like the song...It happens we should just let go laughin' :)

All I want...

All I want right now is music. Music was apart of my life for so long and I somehow blocked it from my heart and I just long for it to come back to me. It's been so hard to view my life without it. They say you never get over your first love...my first love I still can't get over and I'm not sure I ever will. Music is something you just can't remove. It has not gone anywhere, it's still there I have just put up that wall. How does one break down that wall? Do I just demolish it or just start chipping away at it? I miss it terribly, I miss how it made me feel, how it treated me, what it did to my heart. The things that it spoke to me, how it spoke to me, how it made me escape from reality. One can do so many things with music. Normal straight up and down things or something completely forbidden and knowing that something forbidden was being done was exhilarating. How do I get it back? How do I engulf myself in those feelings again? I went off to a place I shouldn't have gone and it took away my love, my first and only love and now I feel stuck here lonely without it. I see the music, I want to throw myself into it but is it too late? Did it wait for me or has it given up on me and moved on to someone else that will stay? Music if you are still there...come sweep me off my feet again. I'll wait for you....

By your side...

This video may seem graphic but it shows you what the Lord Jesus went through for us. He died for us on that cross to save us from our sins. I hope and pray that you will watch this powerful video and I also hope and pray that it will touch you like it has touched me. God bless.

Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

This song speaks to me especially today. I hear it and wonder why I always end up struggling the arms of God that want to wrap around me so much. Everyday I fight and fight him when all he wants to do is help me. I keep searching for the answers not looking right in front of me as if God is not enough. We need to remember that he is always by our side loving us and he is never going anywhere. His hands are always holding us...those scarred hands which took those nails that were hammered into a cross yes those hands holds us every second of our life when we fall, when we sin he is there to pick us up and his life he swallowed up that sin for us just so that he could give us life. Wow, in what way do we deserve that? We don't, not at all. But he still did this for us. God is awesome and I am truly feeling him today and seeing his work in everything. I cannnot tell you how much it means to know that even though I feel alone sometimes in life, like I'm the only one that cares or that no one understands how I feel I can always always ALWAYS count on Jesus being there for me. He understands me more than anyone in my life can and he is the only one with the answers to my problems. Lord Jesus thank you. Thank you for being there and never leaving me. I don't deserve your love, but you gave everything for us. Thank you for holding me...