Distraction

Have you ever felt so distracted in your mind that you don't know where certain thoughts go and who they belong to or just in general you have know idea what is coming or going, almost to the point of feeling as though your life is just one big puzzle? Make sense? Probably not huh? I'm listening to LeAnn Rimes "What I Cannot Change" this song just gets to me everytime. It's one of those that just hits home with me. It deals with life and dealing with the fact that there are certain things that happen in our lives that we cannot change and we need to let go of that, we need to learn to love what we cannot change, and we need learn to forgive what we cannot change, however we must change what we can change. There are mistakes in our lives that we have made and there is no way we can go back and change them they are completely out of our hands, so we need to learn to let go of the things that we cannot change. We should be able to forgive ourselves of our pasts, love ourselves because of our past because our pasts make us who we are. There are things from my childhood, teenage, and even early adult years that come time mind that I wish I could change. Family problems wishing I could have tried harder to make peace between everyone. Even today I wish there are things in my family I wish I could change but I know it's not my place. Times when I was a teenager when all I wanted to do was please my mom and dad instead of learning who I really was and learning to live my own life and that bleeds into my college years as well. My college days....wow I wish I could go back and change most of everything. I did a lot of stupid things...but again these things are out of my hands and I need to learn to let it go. The hardest thing to is learn that it we doesn't matter what people think of you and if they want to judge you of your past and where you have come from then let them. It's important to know that you cannot go and live your life constantly wondering what people are thinking about you. You need to live your life for yourself and for God. God has everyone go through certain things in our lives for a reason. Whether it is send you over a few speed bumps in life or send you flying on cloud 9, he has you go through it all for growth and for your faith in him. Everything is in his hands though, and nothing should matter in your life at all knowing that. Give everything up to him, and let it all go. Just let it go...

Princess story...

Girls are funny, there is no way around it we are the most awkward human beings out there on this world. Now, I'm not lettin' the boys off or anything because they are just as nuts as we are but girls/women do this funny/weird thing whether they are young or old, and that is having the ability to make up stories in their mind and pretty much just live out those thoughts or dreams in their mind, and not actually have to live a second of it. Not just any stories but fantasy stories. And this happens most likely when it comes to boys/men. Don't deny it girls you know you do it...you find Mr. Wonderful or Mr. Extremely Cute and you start thinking about him and thinking about him to the point where you start this story in your mind of how things would go if he was in your life, dates you would go on, how he would treat you during that date, you would even play out the conversations in your head, exactly how it would go...and even make up everything that he is going to say...It is almost like living a double life but only truly living one of them. There are so many more situations like your wedding day, you have it all planned in your head, written in your playbook of how everything is going to go...oh there are so many others. I bet one of us could write a book on all the stories you have made up.

Does this just set us up for disappointment? Having our lives or alternant lives all written out for us and what if that never happens...what next? How are we supposed to react? Is it easier just to think up those stories and never actually have to live them or would you rather live them? Nothing ever happens how you think it is going to happen....if they happen...confused yet? :) You can have your life planned out to the "T" and it will ALWAYS throw you a curve ball, and it will hit you all of a sudden and you're left with your head spinning and facing a different direction wondering what just happend. The Lord has a sense of humor like that. I don't think that it's bad to have those stories in your head or mind it's important to keep that "imagination" going if you want to call it that, but don't get your hopes up high, because where you are living is in the here and now eventually we all have to come back to reality. That is probably really depressing for some of us. We have to remember though that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything. The Lord always has a hand in our lives whether fantasy or not.

Another thing that we do is take those stories and wish that we can stop time, live out the story that we have made up and see how we like that life and if we like it then we could stay and if it wasn't all that was cracked up to be then we could return to the life that we are already living...it's like those old childrens books that we used to read called "Choose your own adventure!" Test driving different situations before actually going through it...I think we all wish we could do that whether you are female or male.

Oh well, I guess there is no way around it...Girls will be girls and we will continue writing our fantasy stories, placing our own characters in it and living them out in our minds. :)

Music is like...

I just sat down and practiced my flute for almost 2 hours. Do you know how long it has been since I was able to do that? It has been so incredibly long and I can't even begin to tell you how I feel. Of course I sounded rough but I didn't care. I just kept playing and playing, it was the most amazing feeling. It felt like reuniting with someone you care about so incredibly much, someone who has been in your life for so long, you haven't seen them or talked to them and all of a sudden they come back. It's that feeling of seeing your first love again. It was just that, I love my flute so much and I love making music, and it came back into my heart again, it was like falling in love all over again. I experienced that love that I once had and I hope to hold on to it for the rest of my life. Music is love to me. It's incredible to feel the music just come right off the page into your hands of the instrument that you are playing and just let it sing. It's passion that you cannot describe, you just have to feel it. Music was my first love and I don't think that will ever change, and I miss it more than anything....

Numero uno! :)

So....I decided to start another blog that goes along with the other one. I am a sucker for music...what can I say? It's been such a huge part of my life...like close to 20 years now probably longer. It has always been there. I probably came into this world hummin' some song. :) No but really, music is my passion and my most favorite thing to do is listen to a song and just pour my heart on paper about that particular song. It does not matter what genre the music it just makes me pour my soul out. I noticed I was doing that often on the other blog so why not have a section to it's own? I will continue the other blog as well because that is the update for our family! :) But this one will be dedicated only for my random ramblings and so on that note, I hope you enjoy what my heart has to say! :)

God bless!